Are You Owning Your Awesome with Men?

Weekday Wisdom, Episode 11

Today, I’m going to talk about something that may be controversial to some. I going to talk about owning your power and why a person to named “Grace” has really got me concerned about young women and the women’s movement in general.

Weekday Wisdom Episode 11

There is a story that’s been going around the Internet. A lot of people have been talking about it on Facebook. It’s about this woman named “Grace” (her name was changed to protect her identity) who met this celebrity and went out with him. In her mind, she was hoping for a date and possibly a relationship with this guy. And from what I’ve heard of the story, and what I’ve read of the story, it was very clear he thought it was a hook up.

And the thing is — and this is something I’ve talked with my husband about — a lot of women treat men like they are broken women.

In general — now obviously there are going to be exceptions to this — but, in general, men and women are wired differently. We communicate differently. We are not the same. This doesn’t mean one is better than the other. It just means we’re just different. We’re different in our communication styles. We’re different in how we’re able to read and understand body language.

Therefore, if you’re going out with a guy and he does something you don’t like, tell him point blank.

    No.
    I don’t like it when you do that.
    That hurts my feelings.
    This makes me uncomfortable.

Something that is clear, direct and can’t be misunderstood. Trying to use subtle body language to communicate your discomfort to a man just isn’t going to cut it. Especially if the guy’s in hook-up mode. Because he’s going to have one thing on his mind.

This is a big difference between men and women, in general. Women multitask. We can be thinking about this, that, and the other thing, all at the same time, to some degree. And we’ve needed to do that because we are, in general, the ones who take care of the children. And when you’re taking care of children and helping with the village or the home chores or whatever, you need to be able to think about all these things at the same time.

However, men, evolutionarily speaking, were the hunters. They needed to be able to be quiet and focused.

So, in general, men think about one thing at a time. For example, if they’re watching football, they can’t have a conversation with you. And if they’re having a conversation with you, they can’t be watching football.

I believe that in this scenario with “Grace,” if she had simply said, “This is making me uncomfortable,” I would hope the celebrity would have backed off. Most men will. Of course, I don’t know for sure because I don’t know this celebrity, but I’m thinking he is probably a relatively decent guy. He’s probably a little bit of a boor and maybe he was clueless, but I don’t think he’s evil.

The key is to communicate clearly.

If you would like to learn more about this topic as this is not my area of expertise I have some recommendations for you. This topic is something that I’ve read and researched a lot about because after being attacked in my own bedroom by my live-in boyfriend who’s now in prison, I went through an entire year of really learning about domestic violence and how to own your power. Thankfully, in that process, I was able to attract the most wonderful man on the planet for me. And, this is in part because I listened to some very good advice from dating and relationship coaches. Here are three that I think are particularly wise.

  1. Matthew Hussey Matthew Hussey from HowGetTheGuy.com. I still follow him because he does a lot of really fun videos. (I particularly liked his spoof, 50 Shades of Earl Grey!) They’re simply entertaining. He talks about relationships in general, and he has some really smart advice about how to treat men like men. (Check out Is He The One? 5 Questions to Know for Sure.) He has a book out, Get the Guy, which I haven’t read yet, that you might want to check out, too.
  2. David Wygant David Wygant, author of Naked. I have stopped following him because he’s really not my style, however I highly recommend picking up his book Naked. It is a really good read and it’s about being who you are in order to attract the right person into your life. In fact I’ve mentioned this book twice before on this blog, here and here. Believe me, when I first started dating my husband, I threw every quirk I had at him. And he still loves me. My reasoning was I did not want to be stuck with another man who didn’t like me. You do not want a man who doesn’t want you.
  3. Adam LoDolce Adam LoDolce of SexyConfidence.com. He’s another one who is really fun. He works with savvy women. Again, he helps you understand that men are men, women are women, and how not to get the communications confused. I recommend checking out his video THIS Will Make You the Most Attractive Woman He’s Ever Met for a taste of this man’s wisdom … and sense of humor.

Those three are my favorites. I think they will really help you if you find yourself in “Grace”‘s situation. Honestly, it didn’t have to go that bad for her — if she had just clearly communicated — and Owned Her Awesome.

You’ve got to own what you want and what you’re comfortable with. And if someone wants something from you that you don’t want to give, regardless of whether it’s sexual or something else, you have the right to say, “No.”

Here’s the thing: If you are not Owning Your Awesome, if you’re not standing in your power, you might acquiesce. Believe me, I’ve been there. I’ve acquiesced to lots of stuff that I really wish I had said no to. But that didn’t make him wrong. It made me wrong.

Remember:
Don’t box yourself in.
Spread your wings and fly.
You are capable of more than you know.

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About the author

Carma Spence is an international best selling author and award-winning speaker who helps women, introverts and shy people unleash their content creation superpowers and communicate their message with confidence so that they can create meaningful and fulfilling legacies.

You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.