Shame on Shame

Announcing "Own Your Awesome" Fridays

Originally created for the TidBitts.com platform, launched in September of 2014, my content on Fridays (beginning today) will help you "Own Your Awesome" in the eight facets of your life.

shame on shame

Are you ashamed of yourself? Do you fear criticism and work like crazy to prove yourself? Are you worried that people will find out you’re really a fraud? Do you give too much and have trouble receiving anything in return? These are all ways that shame shows up in our lives.

Shame is the feeling that you are basically a bad, flawed person and incapable of changing. It indicates that you are not enough no matter what you do. Feeling this way undermines your self-esteem and even gives you permission to continue to behave badly. In fact, according to Psychology Today, shame is unhealthy because it neither encourages nor motivates people to create positive change in their lives.

Shame is rampant in our society, probably even more so among women. How can you possibly be the perfect wife, perfect mother and perfect business owner all at the same time? At least in the ways that TV, film and magazines define those roles? And don’t get me started on the idea of you choosing alternative lifestyles — single mothers, childless by choice, gay.

It is time to let go of shame. It keeps you playing small. It prevents you from Owning Your Awesome … and you are awesome, trust me on this. There are ways you can end the shame. Here are just a few.

1. Reach out to your support circle — friends, family, professionals — and share your story. Shame thrives with secrecy. For example, a few months ago my boyfriend attacked me. (He’s now in prison and my ex!) And I shared my experience. I refused to be ashamed of my obviously bad choice in significant other. We all make mistakes, no matter how smart, educated and awesome we are. And what I discovered is that so many other women I knew experience domestic violence, too. I experienced empathy and empathy is a great salve for treating shame.

2. Use Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT. You can do a quick search on YouTube for “EFT and shame” and find over 7,000 videos that will walk you through EFT for clearing and releasing shame. EFT, also known as tapping, is a very powerful technique. I met an EFT practitioner about 10 years ago who spent about 15 minutes with me guiding me through an EFT session to help me with my anxiety around networking. That one session not only helped me reduce my anxiety by at least 50%, but that anxiety has never returned.

3. Use muscle testing to clear shame blocks. Again YouTube and the Internet can help you learn how to do muscle testing, buy you’ll probably need some guidance in releasing your specific blocks around shame. Plenty of coaches, including myself, use muscle testing to help their clients.

4. Read a book about releasing shame. John Bradshaw’s book, Healing the Shame that Binds You has garnered very good reviews. Another good title is Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. And, of course, there are others.


Eventually, PDF and audio versions of Own Your Awesome Friday content will be made available. If you’d like to know when this content becomes available, complete this form:

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About the author

Carma Spence is an international best selling author and award-winning speaker who helps women, introverts and shy people unleash their content creation superpowers and communicate their message with confidence so that they can create meaningful and fulfilling legacies.

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